“Chasing Cars” by the Snow Patrol…

…Makes me want to kick someone in the nuts.  Let me first set the record straight.  I have no problem with love songs in general, but I do have a few requirements.  First the guitarist needs to play more than four notes the entire song.  Second, the lyrics and singing should convey something other than “I’m sad and pathetic.” 

Sadly, Chasing Cars meets neither of those requirements.  As with any exceptionally cheesy song, this is getting outrageously overplayed right now.  So I must air my grievances in the only way I know how, mockery.  I’ll be casting myself as “willing but impatient female” for the remainder of this post.

We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own

Seriously dude WTF are you talking about?

We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

Ohh, you’re trying to get some alone time with me, what for?

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

You want me to lay with you, are you talking in the biblical sense?

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

What you’re trying to say is “I want to bone you.”  See, not so hard.

Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough

Not 3 words, 5.  Unless you were thinking “Let’s have sex” that’s 3 words.  And no they aren’t said too much, in fact once would be enough.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Oh crap, you’re going to start whining aren’t you.  Do you need a hanky or something?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s burstin’ into life

You can start by forgetting that crap about needing to cry in order to get laid.  Seriously, I’ve got your bursting garden right here.

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

You do realize that we’re wasting time already, right?

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

AHH, more whining!  What’s it going to take to get you to shut up?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

I think we’ve been over this already.

All that I am
All that I ever was
It’s here in your perfect eyes
They’re all I can see

Oh crap, not only will you not shut up and have sex but you’re going to become a stalker aren’t you?

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

Hmm, you might stalk me and you’re never going to change.  Maybe I better call the police.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Better yet, you go ahead and lay there.  Yep right there, in the driveway, um… over by the back tires.  I’m just gonna go start the car.  No, no reason, you just lay right there.

Lyrics from MetroLyrics.com