Posted by: Kevin | March 22, 2007

Unanswered Star Wars Questions and other Funny Stuff

Conspiracy theorists in the US have latched onto the “9/11 was an inside job” meme with the same determination that lemmings show when running off a cliff.  Yet it’s interesting to note how few people have bothered to look into another highly suspicious “terrorist act”.  That’s right, I’m talking about the destruction of the first Death Star.  Now, someone is finally brave enough to speak truth to power regarding that event.

“I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.”

Unfortunately, this isn’t the only ugly controversy left over from the Star Wars sage.  Few people know the sad truth about Chewbacca.  He was an eloquent and peaceful Wookie, done in by a debilitating addiction to drugs.

Ford responded tenderly when he recalled Chewie’s first blown line.
“Dear God man, the beast was as drunk as an ox, I think he was supposed to say something about intergalactic peace treaties, and he ended up biting the head off an Ewok, chugging about three pints of Beam, then just howling, beating his chest, and firing off shot after shot at some unarmed Biker Scouts…”

While your mulling over the lies and cover-ups related to Star Wars, here are some additional links for your viewing pleasure.  First, religious conservatives continue to do their best to render parody impossible.  See for yourself in Conservapedia, the religious rights answer to “liberally biased” wikipedia.  Then check out Godtube and Islamtube.  The antidote for those sites can be found at the website known as Monkeyfluids, where the comedy is actually intentional.

Hat Tips to Pharyngula and Done With Mirrors



  1. Are you saying you know who was ultimately responsible for the Death Star incident? Be careful holding onto that kind of knowledge. You could pay dearly.

  2. I have no knowledge of any Empire sanctioned operation to destroy the Death Star. Nor would I be at liberty to discuss any such operation were it to exist.

  3. Some deep thinking still to be done

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