Posted by: Kevin | April 23, 2007

Baseball Blogs and Other Bullshit

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I stumbled across this the other day and feel compelled to share it.  Alyssa Milano has a blog, dedicated to Baseball of all things.  Good for her I say.  After all, if I’m going to go online and babble about anything and everything, when I clearly have no clue, then why shouldn’t she have a baseball blog?  Heck, while I’m at it, let me say good luck on that pro-tennis career, Elizabeth Shue.  Since I have nothing more intelligent to add to these stories, I will now reveal how I got my wife into watching sports with me.

I’ve meet men who would rather not watch a sporting event with their wife or girlfriend.  They’ll usual site having to answer frivolous questions or messing with “guy’s time” as the reason.  Those men are shitheads, and here’s why. 

Getting your significant other into sports means never having to say I’m sorry for only wanting to carry on conversation during the commercial breaks.  It means when the kids want to watch some crap like Barney and you want to watch the Red Sox play the Yankees, she’ll take your side.  Trust me, it’s worth the investment.

So how did I succeed?  First, a little history.  My wife doesn’t come from a sports fan background.  She participated in gymnastics as a kid and volleyball in high school but she never followed sports.  In fact the largest sports fan moment of her young life, prior to college, was when Superbowl XX conflicted with her birthday.  She was pissed because no one was paying any attention to her birthday.  Clearly, my work was cut out for me.

I started with a personal touch.  I played sports myself, even if it was just intramural hockey.  Watching some people you’ve never met is one thing, watching the people you hang out with while you’re tossing back a few beers is quite another.  So she would come and watch, and then join us in the bar for the post game drinking…er…discussion.  There, she could ask her questions in an environment where my teammates and I were all too happy to provide details. 

The next step was a little harder, getting her to watch someone else’s sporting events with me.  Here, luck intervened.  My brother happened to play division 3 college football, so we had the chance to see a few of his games.  Even I found the games to be a little boring, so we would both look for other ways to entertain ourselves.  For instance, college officials have letters on their shirts instead of numbers.  Arranged correctly, those letters spell “HURL”.  What’s more, the symbol for offensive holding is remarkably similar to one of the international symbols for oppression.  Thus she was introduced to the time honored tradition of mocking the referees. 

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Help!  Help!  My Offensive Line is being oppressed!

It was then that we established our own personal tradition of deciding which player was the most likely to have unsightly toe fungus.  Sounds stupid?  It is, but what better way to pass a few minutes during an unremarkable contest than to guess which player has some embarrassing medical condition.  The best part is that you can apply it to any sport.  We retired the “Unsightly Toenail Fungus Award” in Greg Ostertag’s honor during the 1998 NBA finals and I don’t think either of us has watched the NBA since.

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My Toes!  The Fungus, it Burns!

The point of all of this, was to forge a personal connection between my wife and sports.  It took awhile and I answered a lot of questions but there were many benefits too.  We got to watch together from the bleachers while Pedro Martinez mowed down the Cleveland Indians back when he was in his prime.  We watched 3 New England Patriot Superbowl victories together as well.  

No one is born with an instinctive understanding of sports.  The guy who doesn’t want to be bothered answering his wife’s/girlfriend’s questions, probably bothered someone else when he was younger.  Maybe it was his dad or his uncle or granddad or whatever.  The point is someone took the time because it was worth it.

Hat Tip to FireJoeMorgan

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Responses

  1. […] Baseball Blogs and Other Bullshit Alyssa Milano has a blog, dedicated to Baseball of all things. Good for her I say. After all, if I?m going to go online and babble about anything and everything, when I clearly have no clue, then why shouldn?t she have a […] […]

  2. Yes, Kevin, you totally suceeded. What you forgot to add is that as a fellow New Englander, I was raised to be a fan of the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics and Whalers…. so, I didn’t just “become” a fan of random teams, they were mine from birth, I just needed some intensive tutoring in game play, rules, players, and many many pitchers of cheap beer.


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