Posted by: Kevin | September 10, 2007

Your Guardian Angel? Good God I hope not

Before I begin making fun of “My Guardian Angel” by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, I’d like to add two disclaimers.  First, I don’t mind their song “Face Down”.  I definitely approve of the message and the song itself isn’t terrible.  Second, it’s hard for me to properly tear this song apart because it’s so Goddamn aweful.  I struggled to focus on it long enough to make fun of it. 

Is it about some unrequited teenage love?  Is it about the love for a child?  I don’t know and I’ve stopped caring.  This song has all the hallmarks of bad song writing:  the reliance on clichés, the “I’m so emo” singing voice and the ridiculously simple accompanying instruments.  Did I mention the clichés yet?  Awe, you’ll really never let me down, haven’t heard that before. 

So for the betterment of humanity, I will now give this song the treatment it deserves.  For the remainder of this post I will be casting myself as the highly unimpressed female.  Original lyrics in bold and italic.  For the record, I don’t think this is my best work.

When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face
I can’t replace

Really, didn’t we just meet? 
Do you know that your crying
isn’t impressing?

And now that I’m strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I’ll find deep inside me, I can be the one

Say what?  I was just dancing here with some friends
I wasn’t looking for you to figure anything out for me
And I sure as hell wasn’t looking for “the one”

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

I had to sneak out to find my way here
because of my overprotective parents.
I didn’t do it to find an overprotective peer.
This conversation might send you to the hospital

It’s ok, It’s ok, It’s ok

Not ok, you are, still here

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I’ll be the one

Did you pass English with poetry like that?
Seriously, why don’t you just throw
“Roses are Red…” in there while you’re at it?
And enough with this “the one” shit. 

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Really?  Well, I will never let you in my pants
I’ll reject you forever
I’m sick of listening to you’re damn rants
And I’m getting the bouncer to boot you

Cause you’re my
You’re my
My true love
My whole heart
Please don’t throw that away

Cause you’re a
You’re a
Pain in the ass
Pain in my ass
Please just go away

Cause I’m here, for you
Please don’t walk away and
Please tell me you’ll stay, stay…

Piss of, will you
Please just walk away and
Please don’t come back, ever…

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

The bouncers are coming over
To use your head as a door opener
I expect it to be quite thrilling for me
Though ok, is definitely not what you’ll be.

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

What you ran out of clichés?

Lyrics from



  1. you’re not funny.

  2. o.O;
    da fuck
    This song was what brought me and my best friend (who’s a guy) so much closer together.
    Good for a laugh at your stupidity though.

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