Posted by: Kevin | June 5, 2008

What? Worthless Assholes Needed Another Anthem?

This song, “Sittin’ at a Bar” by Rehab, is being relentlessly pimped on the local alternative rock station and I just can’t get over how much the song sucks.  I imagine, that once I’ve posted this, any comments I get will be about how I’m missing the joke of this song and that it’s all ironic.  So let me say in advance, to all of you who would tell me how funny this song is, lead paint is not a food group.  I will now provide my verse by verse deconstruction, in the hopes that it will help me repress the memories of ever actually hearing this song on the radio.

Bar tender I really did it this time
Broke my parole to have a good time
When I got home it was 6 a.m.
The door was locked so I kicked it in
She was trippin’ on the bills
I think she was high on some pills
She threw my shit out into the yard
The she called me a bum and slapped me real hard
And in my drunkin’ stooper
I did what I should of never done
Now I’m sittin’ here talking to you
Drunk and on the run

So let me get this straight, you’re too stupid to come home at a decent hour, even to stay out of prison, and she needs to be “trippin’ on some pills” to lock your dumb ass out?  That’s your story?  Then she throws your shit out and tells you you’re a bum, really?  And you were so fucking reasonable when you kicked the door in.  It’s a shame she didn’t taze your ass.

I’m sittin’ at a bar on the inside
Waitin’ for my ride on the outside
She broke my heart in the trailer park
So I jacked the keys to her fuckin’ car
Crashed that piece of shit and then stepped away

Good planning genius, because a parole violation isn’t stupid enough, you decided to add grand theft auto.  I hope you liked prison the first time around.

You know mo I’ll probably get ten years
So just give me beers ’til they get here
Yeah I know the sun is comin’ up
And you all are probably gettin’ ready for closin’ up
But I’m trying to drown my soul
I’m tired of this life on a dirt road
And everything that I love is gone
And I’m tired of hangin’ on

Having worked in the food service industry, I can guarantee you that any self respecting bar tender would find a way to urinate in your beer at this point.  Some All people have better things to do than listen to you whine.  Besides, saying everything you love is gone ignores the fact that you deliberately defecated on it and threw it away.

She got me sittin’ at a bar on the inside
Waitin’ for my ride on the outside
She stole my heart in the trailer park
So I jacked the keys to her fuckin’ car
Crashed that piece of shit and then stepped away

She ain’t got you doing shit, moron.  You broke parole, kicked in a door, stole a car and then crashed a car.  Maybe if you stopped blaming her for your problems you wouldn’t be such a complete waste of protoplasm. 

I guess it’s meant to be
Romance is misery
So much for memories
And now I’m headed to the Penitentiary
See me on T.V.
The next cop series
I am a danger
I guess I should’ve done something about my anger
But I’ll never learn
Real things I don’t concern
I pour kerosene on everything I love and watch it burn
I know it’s my fault
But I wasn’t happy it was over
She through a fit so I crashed that piece a shit nova

Romance isn’t misery, dealing with your dumb ass is misery.  Just out of curiosity, am I supposed to forget what a piece of shit you are because you admitted it’s your fault?  Because it’s not working.

And now I’m goin’ back again
Back to the pen to see my friends
And when we all pile out that county van
They’ll ask me where I’ve been

I’ve been at a bar on the inside
Waitin’ for my ride on the outside
She broke my heart in the trailer park
So I jacked the keys to her fuckin’ car
Crashed that piece of shit and then stepped away

Way to go, jackass.

Lyrics found here

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Responses

  1. dude, relax. it’s a damn song, and honestly, you’re not all that intelligent for breaking it down. you may think you’re being witty, or clever to no end when you sit back and pick apart a very easy to understand song, but the reality is you have average intelligence, coupled with a lack of a life. and for the love of god, don’t turn around and try to tell me i have nothing better to do, because i only found your corny ass blog in searching for the name of this song. so i guess i can thank you in that regard, but in all other facets, get over yourself and go write something worthwhile, or better yet, make some friends.

  2. So I guess, “I’ld like to politely disagree with you” would have taken too long to type?

  3. this is gay
    i bet you like guys

  4. John, I’m disapointed in your effort there. It’s almost like you’re too stupid to think of a better insult. Please try harder next time.

  5. Right on! I am so sick of whiney bitches on the radio. I hope they all can gather the balls to go ahead and off themselves. I think this song and everyone who wants to be like this idiot or thinks it’s funny should get a life and quit being so ignorant. In the song he should have died in the crash, Now that would’ve been hillarious.

  6. BTW, I would love to get Kevin’s take on the paper planes song. That one irritates me too.


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